How The Tango broke my brain

I struggled to connect; I wanted to do things "right", but it made them harder.

Years ago, when I lived in San Francisco, I would go out Tango dancing several nights per week. I took classes and went to milongas (social dances) regularly. My dance background was in the "classics": jazz, tap, ballet- all solo endeavors where "knowing" the steps to a routine was of top importance.

In Tango, I struggled to connect with dance partners. I was still focused on "knowing" the steps. I didn't want to do things "wrong", and I also wanted to plan where the moves were going to lead. It was frustrating, because I was trying so hard to do things right- I had an idea in my mind of what the dance was going to look like and what moves I was going to do. For anyone who has done partner dancing, you know that this doesn't work and leads to frustration for both partners.

One night, at a "practica", after several dances that felt more like a battle of wills than a connected flow, something happened to my brain. It just... went offline. It stopped trying to guess what the next move should be, it stopped working from memorized patterns. It just stopped, and I went into flow mode.

I was suddenly able to be 100% present with the music and the partner. I didn't move until I was guided to. I started to be able to feel exactly how my dance partners wanted to move; pivot, pause, lean, flick. There was a universe of unspoken conversation; I don't think I spoke more than "hello" for about 3 hours, but it felt like I was having deep conversations all night. I was truly dancing Tango for the first time.

When it was time to go home, I had to walk around for awhile before getting in my car because I'd temporarily forgotten how to drive!

But my brain was never the same after that. I became able to turn it off at will and go into flow mode; connection mode; intuition mode. It's a skill that has served me well in art, creativity, and communication. It's how I invite the muse. It's how I listen to clients. It's how I made it to second place on Skin Wars.

This is one of my most cherished and valued skills. And I can definitively trace it back to this one night of dancing The Tango.

Do you have a "before" and "after" moment that permanently changed you?